Denial

I'm having a baby.

I know, I know. We made that announcement quite a while back.  None of you are surprised.

I'm just trying to remind myself.

I'm 36 weeks pregnant.

Three weeks and two days until the due date.

That's 23 days.

C'mon, Stacy. Get it together.

You're having another baby.

I don't know what my problem is this time around.  I just haven't REALLY accepted the fact that we're about to be parents of a second little girl.  When people ask me how I'm feeling, the truthful answer isn't fine or great or even anxious or terrible.  It's "nothing".

I feel nothing.

Granted, this little one thinks my rib cage is a punching bag and my feet get so swollen they're sore, so I feel things physically.  But emotionally is a whole 'nother story.  Emotionally, it's a vacuum of nothingness.

Baby girl doesn't have a place to sleep.

Her clothes are in a box because she doesn't have a dresser.

Her towels, blankets and burp clothes are in an oversized grocery bag because I don't know what else to do with them.

We only have newborn diapers because of the generosity of the staff at ACA who gifted several packs of them before school let out in December.

Last weekend was my deadline for packing a hospital bag for myself and the baby.

It didn't get done.

(In my defense, I don't know what to expect at the hospital. Do I need to take my own diapers, wipes and receiving blankets? Will they have the things that I'm going to need post delivery, or do I need to bring all my own "stuff"?  It's hard to pack when you don't know what you need.)

I haven't taken a belly shot since week 25.  And even that pic was only the fourth (as opposed to the weekly shots I took with Bailey).

I haven't added a picture to the facebook "Baby #2" album in over 3 months.

I don't have a baby book ready and waiting for this little one's entry into the world.

All these things added together should be forcing my Prozac-deprived self into a frenzy of anxiety, or at least a melt-down.  SOMETHING!

But no.  Still nothing.

And I don't know why.

But I'm pregnant.

Due March 16th.

I'm having another baby.