Matthew 21:28-32
“What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’
“‘I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.
“Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go.
“Which of the two did what his father wanted?”
“The first,” they answered.
I knew kids learned the word "no" early and love to use it often, I just didn't realize that there would be such a disconnect between saying no and meaning no. At least not at 21 months.
Needless to say, Bailey's favorite word lately is no. It comes in varying decibels and with degrees of insistency. It sometimes is accompanied with a laugh, sometimes with a cry, sometimes with a shriek. And - perhaps most frustrating - doesn't always mean no.
I first noticed that she didn't always mean no when she said no when visiting my old school, Carnelian, while back in California. We crashed the 1st and 2nd grade lunch and Bailey was working on some blueberries while I visited with friends. She started by putting a few blueberries on the couch next to us. I picked them up and told her that she needed to put them on the table if she was going to take them out of the bag, placing the confiscated blueberries on the table to show her how. Her reply? A calm "no". She reached back into the Ziplock bag and I braced myself for having to discipline my child in front of friends. But then she did exactly as I asked her, placing the berries in the designated spot on the table.
Hum...
I started watching her a little closer and realized that there were many occasions when she said no, but did what I asked.
"Bailey, come here and let Mommy check your diaper." "No" and then she walked over and turned her bum toward me so I could check.
"Bailey, time to say night night." "No" and then she made her rounds, giving hugs and kisses to everyone.
"Bailey, when you color, you have to stay on the paper, you can't color the tiles." "No" but then her markers didn't stray from the edges of the paper.
And just today she was eating a granola bar when she got up from her nap. She dropped a few crumbs on the floor and was helping me clean up. We put the pieces in her hands and I told her they went in the trash. "No" . . . but she walked right over to the trash can. And it was the same story with the wrapper. She said no to throwing it away, but - without hesitation - walked it to the trash can.
As a mom, I don't know what to do. She's acting in obedience, but that darn word NO!
As a believer, I'm reminded how often I do the same to God. Except that I'm usually the other son. The one that says yes, but doesn't follow through. The one who fronts with obedience, but it ends up being an empty promise. And while neither son was completely in the right (by my measure, anyway), I'd much rather act in obedience, than spout words that don't match my actions.
I don't know what this means for us in training up Bailey, except that I've learned to react more slowly when she does tell me no. I wait to see if she's going to act in obedience despite her words and I gauge my reaction by her actions, not her words, all the while reminding her "the word you're looking for is 'YES!' "
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